This has been an on-and-off again topic of discussion for some time now, long enough that I’ve more or less assembled some thoughts of my own on the subject. Obviously toxic manhood is “bad” – I mean, “toxic,” after all – but that by itself tells us very little about what it is. One might suggest starting off with a definition, except that in any rational mode of inquiry, definitions only come at the end, not the beginning of thought. I’ve recently talked about this HERE. So no, I’m not going to offer any definitions; rather I will follow a pattern akin to Plato in the Symposium (and which Iris Murdoch brilliantly adopted in her Metaphysics as a Guide to Morals) by trying to “spiral in toward” the topic with a few chosen examples and stories.

There is a meme currently circulating in social media asking women if they’d rather find themselves lost in the woods with a bear, or with a man who was a stranger to them. By some significant margin, the preference appears to be for the bear. Frankly, if you are not between the bear and its cubs (if it is female) then the chances are the bear will let you back away unmolested. A great many men are also (evidently) tragically butthurt by this revelation. So then the next question gets asked: how would you feel if it was your own daughter, rather than just some woman in general? How does that preference get simplified if it is between a bear and another woman who is a complete stranger? Unless one is profoundly delusional, the answers are not difficult to understand, even as they are revelatory. This is one of the legacies of toxic masculinity in our culture. (I’ve said more about this subject here: Un-Bear-Able | THE QUANTUM of EXPLANATION (garyherstein.com).)

As a concrete example of a bearded boy with a mouth, we have the recent commencement address by Harrison Butker. Butker is not noted for his intellectual achievements, or his determination in overcoming a lifetime of personal hardships. Instead, he kicks footballs. Evidently, he does a very good job of this, but quite frankly it is the only thing he does, at least when his mouth is not running into sudden death overtime.ⁱ Now, I’ll admit to being old-school; I think commencement addresses should be delivered by people who don’t need assistance with the big words in a Dick & Jane story. But for reasons that transcend the possibility of rational explanation, the good Benedictines in Atchison, KS, deemed otherwise. So this young … ‘man’ … who is not notable for anything other than kicking footballs, proceeded to lecture women on how their only real fulfillment can come from being brood mares in service to a man. He also spewed about “bad leaders who don’t stay in their lane,” which is ironic especially given his apparent inability to grasp what irony is, as well as spewing about knee-jerk neo-fascist tropes like, “Things like abortion, IVF, surrogacy, euthanasia, as well as a growing support for degenerate cultural values in media.” Of course, he considered himself obliged to yatter on about “being a man.” (No fucking wonder they prefer the bear …) (The full text of Butker’s, er, “presentation” can be found HERE.)